she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
