I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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