worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
