So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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