It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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