So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
