wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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