I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
