Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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