So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You pole danced in your parka.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
