Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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