Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
