i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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