thus making me awesome and them whores
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
