I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
