well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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