I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
