This girl is more easily done than said...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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