Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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