We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
