If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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