I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
