he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
