i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
