I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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