Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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