so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
