maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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