Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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