True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
