last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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