He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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