Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
