I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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