I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
