She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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