Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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