Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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