there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
