Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
