My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Damn victory sex feels great
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
