sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
birth control should be required to get into college
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
