Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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