nut hugger
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
