it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
