literally had 100 drinks last night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am available for nakedness
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
