i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My life is pants optional.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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