it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
