If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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