Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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