i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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