escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
