I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
