Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
