Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
