Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
