4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
