I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
