My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
