he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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