i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
