Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
