My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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