I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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