Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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