I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
