i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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