i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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