Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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