I look better un-naked...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
