He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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