Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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