Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
