I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
