He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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