omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's rum buckets o'clock
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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